Thursday, 28 May 2020

Postnatal Depression- finally feeling like myself again



postnatal depression

Nine months on and I am finally feeling like my old self again...well not entirely but more or less. Having suffered with and still suffering with postnatal depression and anxiety; I have seen some bad and some good days. There was a moment where I thought this is how my life will be from now on, as I saw no way of escaping it but time is a healer. With the right support system, you will concur anything.

I started noticing signs of postnatal depression and anxiety two weeks postpartum, however brushed them away and put it down to a lifestyle change that I was trying to get use to. As the first two months went by things got worse. Being a healthcare professional myself, I thought I knew how to handle it and did not want to result to medical intervention.

I have always been a strong person mentally, and pressure never use to get me down. Whether that was exam pressure, or the pressures of life. However, it all changed after having a baby. The change hit me hard, and I never thought it would. The smallest of things, would cause me to break down. Reflecting back, my whole lifestyle had changed, being a person who was always motivated and driven to purse the goals I set myself, but now could no longer pursue them. My life was put on hold. I was always someone who was out and about, even the day I gave birth whilst having contractions, I was out and about not knowing I would give birth in a few hours. All of a sudden, I was unable to go out and about, and going out with a baby was always a struggle for the first few weeks- so I avoided going out.

Postnatal depression not only affected my mood, but also affected my relationship with my husband. I became so distant from him, although we tried to spend nights away every few months just the two of us. I seemed to blame myself for everything that was going on. From seeing the impact it created, it was my husband who booked me in with a private counsellor, and it helped so much. I never use to talk to anyone about my problems, as I thought they would see me as weak and with my husband talking would just turn to arguing as I always thought he never understood me or my feelings. I was wrong, my husband has been my biggest support, and has helped me in so many ways during the past nine months. Talking to the counsellor made me realise so many things and also helped me communicate better with my husband and other members of my family. I started letting people and life just got a little more easy.

The first three months went by; I began developing a routine for myself and my baby, and it was working. It helped me become more organised and manage my time a lot better. I started doing things that relaxed me, like cooking and again things got easier. I signed up to baby classes, and realised I was not alone and many people go through this.

Nine months later, I still have down days, some weeks more down days than good days, but I am now fine with that. However, life seems easier, and I can see the purpose of life more clearly now. A baby is the biggest blessing, but they bring with them massive change. They come and change your whole life, you are no longer living for yourself but living for the both of you now. They become your priority and let me tell you being a first time mum can be daunting, but it is so worth it in so many ways and I would not change a thing. The past nine months have been a lesson and an experience but I am glad I to be coming out the other side where I can now see the light.

As always, thank you for reading.

With Love,
Alisha x
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